The World According To Us: October 2011

Monday, October 31, 2011

Enjoying Halloween

Our first dressed up family member was out the door at 7am. Ready to celebrate the fun day with a bunch of junior high students. He loved getting decked out in this pirate stuff. (Except he forgot the hook...twice).

During the day the little boys and I were wearing some semblances of costumes so we got a sleeping pirate being attacked by a not so sleepy pirate.

Then a cowgirl came for a visit!

We finally went out as a family dressed in the costumes of choice.

We did some trick or treating, crashed a trunk or treating party and spent time with the provider of the costumes, Grandma.

Thanks for the fun Grandma! Happy Halloween everyone!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Sentimental

Five years ago, to the hour, Evan Ray was introduced to this world. And in the last 5 years he has turned our world upside down for the good and the bad.

Evan we are so glad to be a part of your life. Thank you for choosing to come to Earth. Thank you for your bright happy blue eyes. Thank you for your gorgeous smile.

We love you. I love you. Happy birthday.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Overwhelmed

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. I can't quite put my finger on the reason why, but its enough to affect me more than I'd like. Today, I feel like it comes down to Evan. Or to raising children in general. I found myself getting very upset with Evan and instantly I feel terrible for having these feelings. On top of that, I've been seeing more information about Angelman Syndrome and not liking it. There have been several deaths this year that I've actually been made aware of instead of being oblivious to. Young Angelman children dying. Some for health reasons. Some from accidents. One child ran behind his grandfather's car as the grandfather was backing out of the driveway. One drowned. One was riding a school bus home from preschool and because there was not an aide on the bus, was found collapsed on the ground by a parent of another child when they got on to get their child off.

In case you are wondering why those three might hit home with me: Evan has found new fun in running across parking lots with no hesitation, even when I just let go of his hand briefly to open the door. Evan loves water. All Angelman children do. The fact that something they find so much joy in caused the death of one hurts my heart. The last one is a little less direct, but more of a horror story that I'd never want to be a part of.

That is overwhelming.

I also came across a conversation on facebook about placing older Angelman children into group homes. It was a long conversation with varying opinions on group homes, microboards, being raised by siblings, etc. I let myself read it for too long and start thinking and worrying about things that have nothing to do with us right NOW. I let myself get overwhelmed.

What else is overwhelming? I use Evan as an excuse a lot. I don't work hard enough to be a good mother to him, or to take care of myself. My laziness thrives on this excuse. Which then affects how I'm a mother to Ryan.

To top it off, I allowed myself to start thinking about wanting more children. It's a beautiful and reassuring thought that we might have more children. But then last week happened and I start telling myself, "how can you expect to have more children when you can't take care of the two you already have." I know I sound overly dramatic and I probably am, but it is an overwhleming feeling and thought right now.

On Sunday, I had a moment that took over after our refreshing drive through the mountains on Saturday. I walked into a meeting and saw the back of an older member of the ward. Her hair is white and was twisted up and held with a big brown barrette and my first thought was: "Mom." And I wanted to be able to go home, curl up on my parents water bed and be reassured, taken care of, helped. Not that Oliver doesn't do those things, but its a little different when coming from your mother. So then I became sad that I don't get to drive a short distance to get that from my parents. That I have to be that to my children and how I really need to improve in that part of my life.

I was just glancing through my old posts and came across a handful that were never actually posted. Two of them connected to Angelman syndrome that didn't have a whole lot in them, just a title and a line or two. But then I came across one that I kind of thought out and wrote a lot on. So I'll actually put those words below, maybe there is someone who can gain some insight from it, or I can glean something from the words myself.

I decided to watch one of the Mormon Messages on lds.org. It was titled Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God. It struck me directly at the beginning with the images of raising children. the playing & teaching, and then the added image of tearing the child's finger off the toilet seat with the toilet paper strewn across the ground. It's a beautiful message from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. I also have to give credit to the fathers that are also doing their part in raising their children. Oliver does magnificently in helping to keep our family sane. But what struck me the most was at the end of the shorrt video, Elder Holland quotes a scripture. "Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope." It made me start to think about that word and phrase. A phrase that I haven't put a lot of thought into recently. What does a "perfect brightness" mean anyway?

I looked up hope. dictionary.com says that the noun is "the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best" or the verb of "to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence." Those are good, positive things right? Hope is something everyone has. We hope that our futures will be successful. We hope that things will improve from their current situations. We hope that we can teach our children and spend enough quality time with them. When you look on lds.org under hope it says "in our everyday language, the word often has a hint of uncertainty.(...) In the language of the gospel, however, the word hope is sure, unwavering, and active." A feeling that things will turn out for the best, or an unwavering & active pursuit toward that positive outcome? That's such a dramatic difference. Connecting that to my motherhood experience: I can often have those days where I hope that my children are gaining positive characteristics and receiving the love that I try to give them. But then there is a day like yesterday where I take an active(not reactive) role in the life of my children and the hope becomes unwavering that I gave them a day of positive learning experiences. There is more to hope than that though. Its a hope of our eternal nature and knowledge of the Lord and of Heavenly Father's plan for us to return to Him.

What of that perfect brightness? What does that even mean?! Perfect. Okay. That's an easy one...its...perfect. No flaws. No weaknesses. Whole. Okay, now brightness. Um...full of light? Glaring? Blindingly shining? How can that explain hope? Have you ever heard of a glimmer of hope? That's a visual I've had in my mind before. A small faint idea that something will happen. A glimmer. A fleeting glimpse. A perfect brightness of hope is the exact opposite. It's not a tiny flicker off in the distance. It's an overwhelming awareness of the way things will turn out. "With hope, we can find joy in life. We can 'have patience, and bear with . . . afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions'.(Alma 34:41)" That also comes from lds.org in their Gospel Library. I've often heard the combination of faith, hope & love in regards to many things spiritual. There is a difference between faith & hope. Faith is a belief or knowledge in something. "Faith is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day." Hope is also a connection to knowing something, but has more connection to our actions on this earth.

Thanks for reading, if you did. Sorry for the unfinished thoughts. I'm owing it to that feeling in the title of this post.

But I am still grateful for these beautiful gifts from God. Looking at their faces and remembering their innocence is helpful. Refocusing on my family. That's what I need to do. Wish me luck.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Autumn Enjoyment

I, personally, have been looking forward to today. My day off with beautiful weather. I needed to get some fall into my system. I believe that Oliver would have enjoyed a day at home just as much, but he was kind enough to let us all have a family outing.

After lunch we began to head northwest to find the western entrance to the Alpine Loop through the Lone Peak Wilderness and the Uinta National Forest. we’ve traveled on the Loop before but decided to go a few directions that we’d never gone before. The first new turn was toward Tibble Fork Reservoir. It was a beautiful road with great changing trees leading us to this little reservoir. A little further up we found the Granite Flat campground that made us start dreaming of bringing family members.

After getting back on the main Loop Byway, we made a stop that said “Alpine Summit”. so the following photos show my slight love affair with Aspen trees. It’s absolutely beautiful, very peaceful and a little bit enchanting.

Photo by Oliver

I’m not trying to be vain and show a billion pictures of myself, but the picture above and below this comment were taken by Ryan. At first we thought he wasn’t actually getting us in the shot, but then we got the photo below that’s actually really cool!

The next turn off the road took us toward Cascade Springs. I never knew there was something back in these mountains that looks like this. It was fascinating…and accessible(so we could strap Evan into the stroller and know he wouldn’t be jumping into the water).

Photo by Oliver

After this, we took a road toward Midway & Heber through the Wasatch Mountain State Park, found a place to eat and made it home in time to relax before going to bed.

I love fall.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Eleven Pictures Documenting Our Day

1. Dressed and outside the house on time! This is also a moment I get to take to honor my wonderful husband. No, he is not in this photo because he'd been gone for an hour and a half already and he's not a documented part of the morning because I wasn't really functioning when he left. But he is getting about 6 hours of sleep each night and I normally just roll over when he gets out of bed. Oliver, you are amazing. thanks for being devoted to your job.

2. Evan's school. Dropped off on time!

3. Ryan's "school" He's a big fan. As you can tell by the running inside...

4. Table tops! I had to post this picture because he is actually doing what he's supposed to be doing and not running around. And he's doing a table top! It's kind of a hard thing, but he is strong and can do it!

5. This happened within two minutes of arriving home after preschool. Evan, try to remember that this is what happens when you go to bed at midnight and wake up at 5am! (Remember how I wasn't functioning well when Oliver left for school?)

6. Underwear! can I just say how much I like the idea of waiting until its past time for my child to be potty trained. He seriously only had 1 day of accidents after being put into underwear and is now a pro during the day. In a little while we'll work on the night time. Yay Ryan!

7. Tuesday means staff meetings. Yes, my boss is making a funny face, but to be fair, he didn't know I was taking his picture. And those nice blue bottles were given to all of us, isn't that nice?

8. RA Class comes after staff meeting. Today we were taught by three of the RAs talking about trust. So they were asked to pair up and do trust falls. It was a really good lesson and discussion! (See the pair in the middle that are just talking? It's safer that way, they'd already caused havoc. One decided to do a "sporadic trust fall" that didn't turn out well and then when he was supposed to catch his partner, he lost his footing a little and stumbled backward 5 feet-but his partner didn't get hurt.)

9. Daddy's home!! A great part of every day.

10. Tuesday isn't over until I get to meet with our group of RAs. This isn't everyone, but they were doing a cheer at the end of the meeting. Maybe because it was over?

11. And lastly, Evan was very happy when I came home. He has perfected the art of smashing.

What I didn't get a picture of: getting food from the cafeteria after "Tumbling Tots", the boys and their babysitter while I'm at work, stuck in traffic(?What?) after RA class back to Wyview, dinner at the cafeteria where Evan was slap-happy, meeting individually with two of my RAs, Oliver and Ryan falling asleep on the couch during those meetings, Ryan in bed at 8pm, the beautiful October sky (moon shining through the clouds), cleaning check after the staff meeting with the RAs, and last, snuggling with Oliver after Evan was put to bed.

That was my version of today. Hope you had a good one too.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Date Night

I went on a date last night! Hooray for my days off where I can actually use the evening as free time to do what I want!
We went bowling. I won! We used the bumpers though so I guess that's kind of cheating. But he had fun so the score didn't matter in the end.
We got ice cream and walked around the Wilk while we ate it.
Then drove home, stopped for some dinner since I hadn't eaten yet.
Although I don't think I got a kiss at the end...I suppose I've still got some years to teach him about dating girls. In fact, I probably shouldn't teach him to kiss every girl he takes out on a date. Just his mother. Ryan is the best person to go bowling with.

After coming home, I had a mini date with Oliver too. He was making pumpkin muffins while we talked about resumes and hiring and such. That meant the muffins took a lot longer to make than they should have.

And between all three of my boys, I got everything a good date requires. Evan gave me the snuggles while watching a movie. Curious George wasn't overly enlightening, but the snuggles were worth it.
My family is great. I love them.