Last Thoughts of the Year

1. Evan is the sweetest, happiest boy in my world. His growing ability to communicate with us has been amazing. He will bring us empty bottles when he is thirsty, he will grab our hands and take us to go play or to do something that he knows our hands can do, like change the channel or open a door. He knows when someone is leaving and will look for his shoes so that he can go too. And his joy when he sees people and they engage with him is one of the most beautiful things in this world.
2. Ryan is an independent, smart 2 year old. Yes, he still acts like a 2 year old in all the ways you can think, but he is learning so quickly. He makes us laugh daily(he makes us scream daily). He is learning more about words, numbers, day to day tasks, and how special his big brother is. His imagination is expanding and he loves so much to have you go on a journey with him, whether on his brand new "island boat"(the new bunkbed) or just to run away from the bears, he is glad to have someone else on his journey and we are glad that he takes us.
3. Oliver is ... I don't even know how to fill in the blank. He is intelligent. I don't know where he hides all of the info he has in his head. He makes me think about things I don't always think about and also has the great ability of being a sane person about othe rpeople. He is very balanced in his thinking and very open minded, even when his classmates frustrate him so much because they aren't. He is carefree and casual and supports and loves me more than I could ever ask of another human being. He makes me feel wonderful and I want to live in a way that I can always have him as my husband.
4. It's nice to sit here in the last hour of the year and realize that I could review all that has happened in the last 3 hundred or so days, figure out all the different lessons I learned, mistakes I've made or things I did but also know that it doesn't matter. It was great. I won't document each thought for you right now because, really, its the previous 3 thoughts that are the most important to me. Oliver, Evan & Ryan were my 2010 and they will be my 2011 and that is one of the greatest thoughts I have tonight. I'm grateful for all my family and friends that I think of often and who think of me as well. Happy End of the Old and Beginning of the New Year to us all!

Christmas? Really?

I have been trying to be ready for Christmas. Trying to feel all the special, happy and exciting feelings that I am accustomed to feeling around this time each year. I've been participating with our ward choir. We did a Messiah Sing-a-long last week and then this past Sunday was the Christmas program which involved lots of music. I loved the music. I had moments of amazement. Like when the bass soloist sang the line in the Messiah about the trumpets sounding and I felt like the trumpets were really sounding. And I've found a new favorite Christmas song Candlelight Carol with the line: "How can you measure the love of a mother and how can you write down a baby's first cry?"

I've been watching Christmas movies and I put up a tree...with one ornament. I wanted to create an amazing gift to share with friends and family, but I've just been busy and tired and hadn't done it until a few days ago. We also haven't sent out any gifts that need to go far far away to my family that I won't see this Christmas and that means they won't get to them by Christmas day.

Normally I'll have been celebrating Christmas in my heart for like 3 weeks now, but it just hasn't happened. I'm hoping that by the end of this week, I'll be more in the Spirit of giving and sharing and celebrating Christ and His birth in my life and why it is so important and special. And maybe I'll just celebrate Christmas for the 3 weeks AFTER Christmas instead of before. I love the image of the nativity. We have a handful of nativity statues but this year, I haven't decorated. i don't feel like I have many places to decorate that would be safe from destroying hands. But I'll try a little harder this week.

So Oliver always laughs at me for rambling when I write(or talk or whatever) but it happens sometimes. The lack of celebrating has also caused me to not be motivated to write on this blog. But I will share one little thought from a classic Christmas short, Mr. Krueger's Christmas.

"'I Love You.' That's the true message of Christmas. Clarissa said it to Mr. Krueger. Mr. Krueger said it to Jesus and Jesus, in so many ways, has said it to us."

The Holy Family Nativity by Heidi Malott

Love. I need to feel a little more love for everyone. For my family, for my friends, for Christ. I hope you are enjoying your celebrations and festivities.

A Post for the 10th

So we didn't quite get 10 photos on the tenth so I had to add 2 from earlier in the week.

#1 My sister returned from her mission and then was sent to visit us for a few days to settle some things for next semester. So she and Ryan got to reunite.

#2 I finally put up the tree. Ryan was very excited. He started yelling, "Oh wow! Christmas!" He insisted that we have a star. So he helped me make one and we put it on top of the tree.

#3 On the 10th (the morning after the tree went up), Evan knocked it over and as I was putting it back up, one of the legs broke off the stand.

#4 Oliver tried to superglue the leg back on. His fingers got glued instead.

#5 Evan hugging his brother.

#6 Ryan being cute.

#7 Ryan sitting on our new slipcovered couch.

#8 Hi Evan!

#9 Cooking Dinner
#10 What a great helper.

Tale of Two Nights

No…I’ve never read the book that sounds like this title so it won’t be a brilliant parody.

We traveled to the home of loved ones for Thanksgiving. It was the happiest of reunions for everyone. The kids were thrilled, the adults were smiley. Until bedtime rolled round. Their little girl had a major meltdown which was being handled with grace and it became my challenge to put our boys to bed with as much grace. The challenge was that we didn’t have an enclosed bed for Evan. I started out thinking, “I can do this. He’ll lay down.”

I put Ryan in his cool Lightning McQueen sleeping bag and tried to work our routine…it didn’t work. He got up and down and Evan came in and out. We eventually got Ryan on the floor and Evan in the bed. Thus commenced a rather long period of time where my emotions fluctuated faster than I can remember. I repeated the words, “Evan lay down,” in so many ways. Patient.Soft. Impatient. Angry. Mean. Desperate. Tear filled. Unfeeling. Desperate again. Calm. Ryan climbed in bed tiredly then retreated back to the floor when I said at a desperate moment, “I love you, but Evan needs to be on the bed more than you do tonight & if you don’t lay back down, he won’t stop laying on your head.” Ryan fell asleep. Finally Evan relaxed. He stopped trying to sit up. He stopped trying to climb off the bed. He lay on my legs while I tried to sing him to sleep. He flipped to the pillow. Back to my legs. To the pillow. Legs. Pillow. He stayed. He slowed. He fell asleep. It was 12:45am. He slept until 6 or 7.

My sweet sister in law took me aside sometime in the afternoon to show me a music video by Collin Raye that is beautiful and heartfelt. I think there are times depicted in this song that every parent can relate to, but I know that it rings true to me. I cried. I think you might too.

 

She’s with me–Collin Raye

And tonight, we have a pack n play. Tonight, Evan was a little more ready for bed. tonight, I sang him a song and said a little prayer. As I was praying, his breathing slowed to a steady rhythm and I looked up to see his body relaxed and finally resting at a  normal 10:30pm. Then my prayer continued more from me than both of us. thank you,Heavenly Father, for sending me this beautiful child. Please help me to know how to help him. How to work with him. to learn with him. To teach with him. Help me. Bless him.

Thank you for the challenges that help us love each other better.

Thankfulz–A Survey.

Chris - fer ribbons

Chelsea – disposable diapers

Megan – pack n plays

Macy – Warm water

Oliver – snow

Ryan – That! (pointing at something)

Toby – no reply

I'm grateful for...

a warm home
happy mornings
thinking of Pop while making fudge
wrestling with the boys
watching Evan's preschool class perform "The Little Red Hen"
feeling like a real mom

Ryan's grateful for...

kids
toys
home
being safe from bears

I'm grateful for...

Being able to rejuvenate a bit through Sunday School and Relief Society attendance.
Two cute boys napping on the couch together.
Remembering that Ryan is still only 2 years old.
Feeling productive!
Choir practice (and realizing that when it comes to The Messiah I'm NOT a soprano).
Chances to get excited for Thanksgiving!

I'm thankful for...

I'm thankful for...

A happy husband.
A clean house(laundry & dishes all within 2 days!!--that's a major accomplishment in this house).
Long walks in weather that is warmer than it looks.

Thankful for Leaves

I'm thankful for...

...leftovers.
...naptime that makes cranky little boys be not cranky.
...Beth.
...quiet time.
...bath time.

I'm thankful for...

Flowers from sweet friends!
My coworkers!
Blowing leaves!
Evan having a good day at preschool!
My three sweet boys!

I'm thankful for...

...of course I'd make a decision to state what I'm thankful for each day and then have a kind of rough day where I'm not sure what I'm thankful for. So I'm thankful for chocolate. I'm thankful for coming up with ideas of showing gratitude(we started a thankful wall for the rest of the month). I'm thankful for a husband who tries to make me feel better when he knows its been a hard day. I'm thankful for laughter.

Thankful

I had thought of doing a month of gratitude posts, but the thought didn't come until a few days after the 1st of November. Now that it is halfway through, I've decided that I want to be thankful as much as possible and let everyone know about it. So today, I am thankful for The Spirit. The Holy Ghost that was given to me as a gift after I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's an interesting gift. Everyone feels it differently, but I am grateful that today I took the time to try to pay attention to it.
I'm also grateful for a quote that I heard today that I think the Spirit was telling me to remember. Richard G. Scott said in the October General Conference "we become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day." I want to be a lot of things and I am NOT being them each day. Perhaps that will be something I strive for more as each day goes. I want to be thankful. I want to be service-minded. I want to be a better mother. I want to be more aware of the Spirit. I want to be...lots of things.
What do you want to become?

Ten on Ten Again

Often, our 10ths have been lazy days. But I should be grateful for some of these lazy days too.

We drew on the newspaper together.

We had an incident with an open aluminum can. Not as bad as Evan's a few years ago, but more traumatic(dramatic?).

Time for bed!

So tall!!

I heard an old talk by President Monson where he shared his personal experiences with previous prophets. He shared a story about President Kimball and how he "cleaned up" his office. The story ends with him putting a batch of papers into the refrigerator. It made me feel better about being disorganized and comfortable with posting photos like this for all to see.

This was a face seen way too often today. As you can see, he's holding his finger away from everything and it was just a rough day...poor little one.

That's not how you play the drums.

Jumbled

November is upon us. Things to look forward to: Thanksgiving! Visiting Twin Falls. Knowing that my missionary sister is going to be home at the end of the month. One thing that is a bit halting: getting a call from my little brother to say goodbye before he flies off to Afghanistan. I've had to admit to myself that he is now an adult. Someone who made a choice to join the Marines and because of the commitment he made, is now being sent across the world to a place where his training will actually have to be used. Before, I think I could still play it off as something that he was learning that he wouldn't actually need except to help him grow up a little more. It's made him do that faster than I want. An old friend of mine used to say "He's only 4", the age she last remembers him before going off in her own life. I have thought that too. he's only 4. Well..that was a very long time ago and now he's heading off to a dangerous place to serve our country and hopefully help that part of the world a little bit. I have been completely naive in this process. Haven't paid enough attention to details of what he's going into. But I pray for him and his fellow marines and their commanders that they will be inspired when in danger to do that right things and stay safe so that he'll come back and be given the chance to grow even more.

At this time, I'm also impressed with my mom. She's not a woman to get overly excited about things. She takes things in stride and doesn't get easily frazzled. She has been nervous though. I hope to be like her because when something happens that could be overly nervewracking to someone, she throws herself into service. She will find out all she can and figure out how to be involved! And she's doing it again. She has found a group called the Camo Quilt Project and in a week, she's gathering a group in her area who will be making their own quilts to send to my brother's company. I can't fly out there and be an active participant, but if you want to write thank you letters to military men or donate some money to help send the quilts across the world, I'll be passing some of my own to her.

Mitchell & Mom in 2009.

So I did warn you that this post was jumbled. I want to end with the thought of gratitude. Gratitude for service men and women who have committed their bodies, their minds, their lives to protection of how we live and what we believe in the United States. Gratitude for caring men and women who not only want to show their own gratitude, but have the skills to pull off projects for these individuals. Gratitude for the love that is in these people.

The Trust of a Child

There is nothing quite as betraying as going to your brother's doctor's appointment, and then ending up with getting a shot yourself. The whole time, you're just playing and exploring and imagining while the doctor looks at and bothers your big brother. Then at the end, Mom decides that both of you should get a flu shot. With no warning except that of being picked up by Mommy and saying "it'll hurt, but it'll be ok." You keep saying "no, Mommy, no" but she says it needs to happen and your eyes start to look fearful and hurt. She says, "Maybe we can get ice cream afterward." That stops you saying "No" but it doesn't stop the look of hurt in your eyes. The shot happens, big brother gets his shots too (his three hurt a lot worse than your one) and there is a lot of crying as you get ready to leave. You get a sticker on the way out and get to ride the elevator downstairs where you walk to the car. As Mom drives out of the parking lot, you say, "My leg hurts Mommy." She says, "I know sweetheart, but it'll get better and it will keep you healthy and stop you from getting sick later." After a pause, she hears a soft, "Okay," and her heart cries a little bit.

How often do we have something happen in our life and feel betrayed or wronged by that event? Are we able to turn to the Lord and tell Him about it? Tell Him, ask Him, and then not only wait for an answer from Him, but then truly accept that answer? Are we able to simply say, "Okay" and keep going? We're still reminded of the pain, but we are also a little bit stronger in the knowledge that everything will be okay.

And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:2-4

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father. Mosiah 3:19

Pumpkin Season?

It's fall, it's beautiful, it's crisp and colorful and I love it. We celebrated Halloween on Saturday by making the boys wear their adorable handmade-from-a-sheet-by-Grandma scrubs all day long. In the afternoon we went Trick or Treating to Heritage Halls where we visited an old RA/babysitter and then went to one other building and by the time we went up and down the stairs, it was pouring outside. POURING! It was beautiful. But wet. And we'd gotten enough candy for two little boys who didn't really know what was going on. One little boy who kept inviting himself into apartments and another little boy who refused to say "Trick or Treat" even though we'd practiced a little before trying it. They were very cute little doctors.

I'm sad to report that we never made it to a pumpkin patch this year. No fabulously festive farm before Halloween. I'd had visions of having a pumpkin themed holiday. Going to a patch, bringing a pumpkin home and maybe trying to carve a pumpkin with the boys. It never happened. But I was still able to involve pumpkins into the holiday by making pumpkin cream cheese spread which we had on bagels this morning and I ended the day with pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Two never before tried recipes that were a great success. Hooray for fall!

It's Balloon Time!

It's hard to believe that we have a 4 year old little boy. It feels like a very recent experience where we carried him around with a "I am 1!" button. And yet it feels very far away that I went in to labor and delivered a little reddish blonde son on a snowy Wednesday night. But it really is 4 years later and with the many ups and downs we've had, we are so blessed to have him in our family. He's healthy. He's happy. And he's ours.

A surprise balloon bouquet from Grammy & Papa!

Balloons For a Party

Loving Beth at the party

Present from Grandma & Grampa

Being handfed cupcakes, what a great birthday!

We love you Evan. Happy Birthday!