Christmas in Reality

So after all my philosophical ramblings about Christmas, I thought I should report on our Christmas reality.

We had the blessing of sharing some time with Oliver's family. On Christmas Eve, we had a party of favorite snacks followed up by a birthday cake & song for Jesus. As we were driving home, I told Oliver that I really wanted to have the tree up this year. So after the boys were put to bed, I went downstairs, got the tree, put it up and strung it with lights. We had a few presents to wrap and while I didn't get a photo of it, I felt very content and happy to sit there for a minute with the lit tree and the humble gathering of gifts beneath it. There is definitely something positive to be said about the excitment of being able to give your children an exciting morning.

Christmas morning was later than many, I'm sure, we got up around 9am. Ryan(spurred on by Oliver) was "wow"ed by the tree which actually made me happy to hear. It was fun to see Ryan figure out opening presents and to see Evan enjoy the paper and such. I was thrilled by their enjoyment of the gifts bought from the dollar store and was again grateful for the generosity of strangers when Ryan and Evan were really excited about their toy trucks. The tree was great. Ryan was fascinated by the lights and Evan was a little too fascinated-evidenced when I heard a crack and see little red pieces inside his mouth. So the lights got turned off and the tree came down a few days later.

We then made orange rolls for breakfast and decided to head over to visit the family again for the rest of Christmas day. The rest of the day was full of gift opening and puzzle fitting and children chasing and nap taking and (for me-song singing & being surprised by a beautiful coat from Ollie) and a delicious meal presented by Oliver's mom. I believe Oliver said, "this is my favorite meal ever."

And so I came to the determination that Christmas needs to be a perfect melding of tradition and spiritual connection for you to, at the end of the day, feel like it has been a beautiful blessed day and even more connected to the Lord.

This was one of our treasures from the day, a beautiful hand painted egg purchased in Kiev from Oliver's dad.

How do I feel? Like it was a beautiful blessed day and when I put my babies to bed that night and held my husband close, that I was forever grateful for the birth of the Savior who has given me purpose in this life, who has allowed it to be possible for me to have an eternal goal to return home to heaven and our Heavenly Father.

The massive amounts of chocolate that we ended up coming home with, will also be sitting with me for months. I hope your Christmas was as merry.

Sharing Jars

I'll share my Savior's love
By serving others freely.
In serving I am blessed.
In giving I receive.
He knows I will follow Him.
Give all my life to Him.
I feel my Savior's love,
the love he freely gives me.

4th verse of I Feel My Savior's Love by Ralph Rodgers Jr., K. Newell Dayley, and Laurie Huffman

Anyone heard of Christmas Jars? It's a book that came out a little while ago. Big hype, but not big enough for me to feel the need to go read it. It was just a title I'd seen around. Last week, my mother, mother-in-law, and aunt-in-law, were all a bit shocked that I'd never read it before. So I knew I'd have to find time to read it soon. The opportunity came last night when said aunt dropped some books off to share in the communal book closet and in the stack sat this book. I claimed it and easily read it in a few hours last night(after the boys were asleep which means I didn't go to sleep early enough). I loved it. I cried. I began thinking many many thoughts and felt the need to write about it.

I won't ruin the story for anyone, but I will talk about the concept of the Christmas Jar-to share a monetary gift with someone else at Christmas time to help brighten their spirits. From my previous post, you can tell I've been thinking about proper ways to celebrate the holiday(and I apologize for the disconnected thoughts there). One of the things I found interesting was that one of the characters mentions how they keep this jar year round to place their spare change daily and that in itself gives them this extra blessing. They think about this anonymous gift they'll be giving away. They think about how they get to share what they can with someone else. What a blessing that is to in effect have the spirit of Christmas year-round.

I don't know about you, but I am definitely of the card carrying generation. Debit card, credit card, gift card when I have one, BYU ID (for our meals). The only time I have cash is so I can transfer it over to laundry quarters. So this is an interesting concept of collecting spare change throughout the year. It is kind of hard to share what extra you may have if you have to ask if they accept Visa.

Along with that beautiful story I read, we have had some beautiful experiences of our own that also involve a lot of tears. For the last two Christmases(and this one is still 4 days away), our little family of four has been blessed in unique ways. First, through the early intervention program we have worked with for Evan's development, an outside source has offered to provide gifts for the families in the program. Today, we picked up a bag with Evan & Ryan's names on it. As I carried it to the car, I was struck by the generosity of strangers to buy gifts for children they don't know. Thank you to those who participate in all of the local programs offered for gift giving such as angel trees and Toys for Tots. You are being blessed in many ways by offering your kindness to others as well as blessing those who recieve your sweet offering.

The second part of our unique experience has been a mystery, which for me, has been difficult to repress the urge to solve. It also involves generous hearts. I can't even describe the awe I feel, much like some of the recipients from the Christmas Jars stories, when I try to think of why our family was chosen by these people whom we can't put a face to. We know they know us at some level because they knew where we live and they know our names. It brings me to tears to think that someone out there found us to be the ones they wanted to share with. I feel that perhaps my children are worthy of recieving such a gift, but I am far too greedy and far too unworthy to recieve it. But thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

The story isn't over. We also had another experience today. As a rare thing, we actually had cash in our car as we were leaving a parking lot, a crowded, busy parking lot. There was a man standing at a stop sign holding a cardboard sign that said he was homeless and at the bottom had written Merry Christmas. I have tried to share some of what I have with those who seem to be in need of it, but never going completely out of my comfort zone, and as mentioned before, I hardly ever have cash in my pockets to even pass on. But today, I remembered the cash and Oliver quickly turned around and made another loop through the parking lot to get back to this man. As we approached the stop sign and I rolled down the window to hand him some bills, he took my hand and with sincere gratitude thanked us. It felt like we were one of the few who may have stopped to offer him anything. He didn't look at how much we had given him, but was so genuinely thankful that we were even willing to give him a single dollar. I hope that he gets to where he needs to go and I am grateful that he shared such kind words with us as well.

I can't express enough how thankful I am for the generosity of others, both those who have given of themselves and given beautiful gifts to us with their name & love attached, as well as those quiet strangers who may not get to see the look of awe and gratitude when we open their gift. Thank you. It takes an individual who I think we may be starting some new traditions in our home and I hope that it increases our level of kindness and generosity to others and get closer to the level I have felt from our family, friends, and quiet strangers.

How silently, how silently

The wondrous gift is giv'n!

So God imparts to human hearts

The blessings of his heav'n.

No ear may hear his coming;

But in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will receive him, still

The dear Christ enters in.

3rd verse of O Little Town of Bethlehem by Phillips Brooks

Merry Christmas.

White Christmas?

*WARNING*

Megan rambles beyond this point

Christmas is a happy time. I know it can also be a stressful time, but overall, this time of year is beautiful and full of love. I've been thinking about what we do to ourselves during this season. We listen to certain music, we watch certain movies, we wear certain colors, we decorate our personal spaces in a certain way all in order to help instill a certain feeling within ourselves. So what is that feeling we want. The "reason for the season" is mentioned often as a subtle reminder to not go overboard. We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. President Gordon B. Hinckley said this in his 1997 Christmas message titled "A Season for Gratitude":
We honor His birth. But without His death, that birth would have been but one more birth. [...] We love Him. We honor Him. We thank Him. We worship Him. He has done for each of us and for all mankind that which none other could have done. God be thanked for the gift of His Beloved Son, our Savior, the Redeemer of the world, the Lamb without blemish who was offered as a sacrifice for all mankind.
How many times do we actually contemplate this aspect of the holiday? What we are truly celebrating?
In contrast to that, this time is also full of traditions. Traditons are an important part of living on this earth with your family. dictionary.com claims a tradition is "the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, esp. by word of mouth or by practice." We all have traditions that we feel are important to hold to make it feel more like Christmas. Omelets & orange rolls for Christmas breakfast, decorating the Christmas tree together, looking at the Christmas lights together, we all have our own little things that make it feel more like the holiday we knew growing up. I believe that it is in the human nature to reminisce and make Christmas feel like it did when we were younger.
Traditions. Gift giving is a big tradition. And I think this can also be where we may confuse our children. I've always been in love with the idea of receiving a gift. There's something about the anticipation and suspense of waiting along with the pure joy of knowing that someone cares for you and wanted to express that by giving you a gift. Not that I expect a gift, just that I appreciate it if I recieve one. But why do we focus so much on gift giving during this season? And does it cause more problems than solutions? Children can often get greedy by requesting certain gifts, or a large amount of gifts from their parents or from Santa Claus. I understand part of the encouragment given to list making. When giving a gift, you want to give that loved one something they will want or will use so that it doesn't just become junk in their lives(because who needs more junk?). I do love the tradition of gift giving. I may not be great at it, but I enjoy thinking of a specific individual and trying to make them happy by giving them an item they would appreciate. While its good to tell them you love them, giving a gift can be a way to show that love as well.
Are our traditions in the right place? Think of our movies and music that we are entertained by during this season. I LOVE Christmas music, movies, stories, and books. I've noticed some trends though. Some of our music focuses on the need for it to be winter for the holiday. Have you ever dreamt of a white Christmas? I have. Have you ever felt like you were walking in a winter wonderland? I have. Does Santa Claus show up in places that aren't winter? Can you even have Christmas in warm weather? Well, of course, I mean how else would I know that Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say on a bright Hawaiian Christmas day. I recently read the book Skipping Christmas by John Grisham. It's been made into a movie which is fun and cheesy as most Christmas movies are. As I was reading this story, I felt some connection to the main characters. Despite the biggest concern of spending $6,000 on previous Christmases, part of the family was not going to be present so they didn't feel like it would be as worth it to do all of the traditions they did yearly. The way the author was able to do this with these characters is by making them a family who wasn't overly involved in a church. It's never mentioned that they went to church and it was just a very interesting concept that was written about. I always feel the need to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" on Christmas Eve, or near it. It isn't necessarily all about Christmas, but it does make you feel one of those feelings of Christmas. A reminder of how much you love you have for your family and be grateful for the lives we have been given.
So traditions can be good or they can be overwhelming. Elder Donald L. Hallstrom mentioned the following in 2001:
Uplifting traditions play a significant role in leading us toward the things of the Spirit. Those that promote love for Deity and unity in families and among people are especially important. The power of tradition, however, poses a significant danger. It can cause us to forget our heavenly heritage. To achieve eternal goals, we must reconcile our earthly culture with the doctrine of the everlasting gospel. This process involves embracing all that is spiritually elevating in our family and societal traditions and discarding that which is a barrier to our eternal view and achievement.
So how do you do it all? How do you have the traditions that uplift and unite your family without placing a barrier to the progression that we all need?
We each have to answer this in our own way, and I can't say that I have the answers even for our own little family. I can say that I appreciate hearing how others deal with this decision for their own lives. One family I know of gives each of their children one gift and that's it. I know that other families make a great effort to enforce the story of Christ's birth by reading the story as a family, acting it out, or doing many other things. These are beautiful. And in reality, I think that we can all feel the spirit of Christmas in the way that connects to us. President Hinckley shared these thoughts in the same message as listed previously:
Christmas is more than trees and twinkling lights, more than toys and gifts and baubles of a hundred varieties. It is love. It is the love of the Son of God for all mankind. It reaches out beyond our power to comprehend. It is magnificent and beautiful.
It is peace. It is the peace which comforts, which sustains, which blesses all who accept it.
It is faith. It is faith in God and His Eternal Son. It is faith in His wondrous ways and message. It is faith in Him as our Redeemer and our Lord.
We testify of His living reality. We testify of the divinity of His nature. In our times of grateful meditation, we acknowledge His priceless gift to us and pledge our love and faith. This is what Christmas is really about.
I am grateful for so many things in my life. I have so many individuals who I love and have made a huge impact in my life. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to wonder, discuss, and make a choice about how I live my life and how to raise my children. I hope that I can celebrate Christmas in a way to bring myself closer to my children and them closer to Heavenly Father. I hope your Christmas is not stressful, but is beautiful and a season of love.

A compiled update for the week

I don't normally do this, but just wanted to write a few things that don't necessarily have anything to do with each other.

#1 Evan started preschool this week. He was the only kid in class this week so it wasn't entirely normal yet. I took him on Monday and Oliver took him on Wednesday. He wouldn't wander far from either of us either day. One advantage of not having other children to worry about, his teacher allowed him to take his time exploring the school a little bit and just get used to being in an unfamiliar place. We're hoping that we can get to the point where we can leave him toward the beginning of the hour and come back toward the end. Ideally.

#2 I finally took a picture of our new bedroom curtains that Oliver's mom made for us. We haven't had curtains in there before and the room is really light throughout the night but this has made it better. We still need to put up one more section, but I love them.

#3 I did a little decorating for Christmas. We have several nativity scenes and last year we didn't have a spot to display them because of the reach of Evan. While Evan's reach hasn't shortened, I did find a spot where I could place the scenes. I cleared off the books and things that we didn't look at regularly enough to have them in the living room, and replaced them with these nativity scenes, our Christmas movies and music, some music books, scriptures, a vase of ornaments and a bowl of mint M&Ms(which are not lasting very long). The three black cases are our DVD collection. They have to sit there since Ryan has figured out zippers. These shelves make me happy. What makes you happy today?

Thanksgiving

Just to let you know, we are thankful for many things. We're thankful for the opportunity to be with family on a tradition rich holiday. We're thankful for safety in driving south. We're thankful for exploring back highways in Utah where there is little or no traffic instead of using the jampacked interstate. We're thankful for a grandma who cooked a delicious Thanksgiving meal and kept us all well fed for 3 days. We're thankful for Christmas lights in a cactus garden.

photo courtesy Ethel's Chocolates website(see link above)

We're thankful for cheesy Christmas movies interspersed with random football games(Oliver was a little outnumbered by women). We're thankful for card playing. We're thankful for family members who love playing with our children, which sometimes offered us a break from chasing them down. We're thankful for Ryan's first opportunity to play with two cute dogs. We're thankful for stopping on a whim in St. George and finding a craft fair where they were showing the BYU vs. Utah game and allowing us to walk around for almost an hour to energize the boys. We're thankful for a constant battle between a Spanish station and the football game on the same radio frequency. We're thankful to have NOT been the one in the accident ahead of us on the interstate on the way home. We're thankful that the accident happened right after a rest stop where we could park and let the boys run around while it got cleared up. We're thankful to have heard the winning play by BYU on the radio while at the rest stop. We're thankful for a home that was clean when we came home(not always the case when we go on vacation). We're thankful for each other and the joy we get from our lives together.

First time for...

...Sitting at the table and coloring together! (Coloring is sometimes defined differently by individuals)

...Evan has being able to bend over and pick things off the ground. He is mastering new abilities all the time and this is his latest. About a week ago we noticed him reaching down while holding one of our hands, but about 3 or 4 times we have seen him bend down without holding on to anything. He amazes me! I giggle alittle inside(or out) every time I witness it.

...posting pictures of this:

Our house may be small, but they know how to enjoy it.

Fruit squishing!

Image found via google images at this website

In case you are in need of a laugh, I have found my next dream-to be a member of this group. :) Oliver has given me visions of Improv Everywhere-esque things happening on BYU campus and I just watched this again. The grocery store musical is my favorite I think. Some of their missions might be a little inappropriate, but some are brilliant. :) "Let's squish our fruits together!"

Happy laughing!

Cultured 2

Tonight I got another brief look into another culture and be awed by the love individuals have to their heritage as well as how they openly share it.
The RAs put together a program for the area that involved writing letters to military brigades from Utah thanking them for what they've done, writing thankful notes for posting, food, and watching a presentation from the Tribe of Many Feathers Club who we were able to connect with via the Multicultural Office on campus.
They shared some history, some little known facts and then had a hoop dancer perform. It was a beautiful display and I'm glad I was able to witness it. Throughout the performance she is constantly moving and changing and this moment was one that I really connected with, perhaps because of Oliver.
She was a bird! For a few brief seconds. And she soared in a circle before moving on to a new formation. This was a very talented woman and it made me want to know more about how the Native American cultures are so deeply rooted into the symbols of nature. I was very grateful they could come and share their culture with us. I love being opened up to new ideas and experiences.

Cultured

Oliver has enjoyed bringing movies home from the UVU library to help us stay "cultured." Part of it, I know, is also to keep me happy. Which means he normally brings home random musicals that we've never heard of. It's a lot of fun. One thing I've learned, it is very hard to stay focused on an entire movie while your children are awake. What has kept us cultured? Well, Oliver felt it very important that I be more knowledgeable of the Star Trek heritage. So we've seen four of the Star Trek movies so far. I think the main point of the movies so far is to make me fall in love with the Enterprise, since there are many long shots of it.

photo courtesy of wikipedia.org

This last weekend, Oliver took me on a tour of the library and let me pick some movies out for myself. One involving some thought was Sunday in the Park with George. It's about the painter, Georges Seurat, and those involved in his painting A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte. It's a very interesting thought process of how an artist chooses art or life. It's fascinating to see how the artist is portrayed as being so overwhelmed by the artistic process of examination, color, and light, that he forgoes any socialization. It goes even a step further in the second act where the fictional great grandson of Seurat is in a similar situation and is trying to connect with the his own challenges of creating art that other people don't understand. It ends with the thought that was written down by his fictional model/love. It reads "White: a blank page or canvas. His favorite--so many possibilities."
I think that's a wonderful thought. So many possibilities for a blank page. We all appreciate a blank page to start something new on. For some people, it can be too overwhelming though to try to pick one thing to place upon that blank page. Where to start, what to choose. Will there be another opportunity to create something as amazing? And yet it's also important to remember that failure is just an opportunity to start over and refine your masterpiece.
How are you getting cultured?

Boo!

Did I scare you? This is the amazing makeup artistry of one of the managers in Residence Life. We had a mock disaster on Friday and there were a good handful of theatre students that came with good makeup jobs as well. So I had an injured foot and was so distraught that I couldn't get a hold of Oliver and I didn't know where my babies were so I was of no use as a Hall Advisor with training. It was a pretty intense training and I loved it, although since I didn't have to do the hard stuff, I guess I have reason for enjoying it.

Halloween has been fun! We discovered that Halloween day is a great day to do stuff. The weather was gorgeous. Oliver's mom and sister were in town so we all drove down to The Red Barn at Southridge Farms in Santaquin. There was hardly anyone there. So for someone who hates big crowds and lines, I loved it. :) The boys were able to run around without being too big of a distraction or getting lost.

The boys are actually in a picture together. But of course, I couldn't get a good picture of both of them at the same time.

We did find some pumpkins! Way too big to take home though. And they had some little gourds that were free for the taking, so I took some and want to do something creative with them.

This is Evan staring into the little store they have where they sell fun stuff like fresh apples, apple cider(which we got), apple cider slush(which Oliver got), and lots of gifty stuff. :)

We also drove a little further south to Mona, UT, where the Young Living Family Farm is located. We'd never been there either, and we were the ONLY people there except for the employees. They are big on lavender so it was probably better that we went now instead of the more fragrant time, but we had fun exploring their grounds which are beautiful. They have some exotic animals which we walked over to, a playground, a duck pond and Oliver and his mom found some fun birds to try and identify.

Don't worry, we found a black cat on Halloween. Ryan was fascinated. Even got it's tail once.

We went around trick or treating to my three buildings. Well, Ryan did. He caught on pretty quick to the fact that if he knocked, the door opened and there was usually a bowl of candy right behind it. He wouldn't say thank you or anything, but he did get pretty mad at me when I would take a piece of candy out of his hand to place in the backpack he was wearing. It was a fun adventure.

For dinner, we went to Olive Garden and had no line to wait in. It was amazing. Halloween is definitely a great night to go and do stuff. :) Oliver and I ended the night by watching Monsters vs. Aliens after the boys had gone to bed. (Oliver labeled it as a "chuckle" movie).

I am so excited for November and December and have been loving this wonderful beautiful weather. We all have.

P.S. they are kind of dressed up. Ryan is a pilot and Evan was a mix between a newsie and a golfer in his short pants. I went really low-tech this year. :)

Growing up

On Wednesday, we went to Farrer Elementary for a preschool evaluation for my baby. He was tested to see if he fit the qualifications for the special education preschool program. He does. It was a family affair. Our four family members plus a teacher and a speech pathologist in one preschool room to enjoy at our leisure. At least, that's what Ryan thought. Evan finally got used to us being there about halfway through. He wasn't okay when Oliver got up to go get Ryan who was just 5 feet away, but that passed. The preschool teacher he has been assigned to called earlier, but I wasn't home and she hasn't called back yet. It's kind of scary that this is progressing. I'm not ready to send him away from home for 2 1/2 hours. I just know that he'll be pretty stressed out to not have mom and dad with him, but I'm hoping for the best. I think I've been thinking about it too much and need to stop thinking about it and just wait until things happen.(Ha Ha! Yeah, right!).
I never thought that I'd be sending a child off to school at the age of 3. I was hoping to not worry about this for two more years. I just need to remember that this will be beneficial for him. It will get him more accustomed to school and being away from home and all of that fun stuff. A friend mentioned to me that this could be good for my relationship with Ryan. And let him develop more in his own way. I'll keep you posted, but some nights this just tears at my heart to imagine what Evan will think when this gets started. Will he think I'm abandoning him? Will he be able to be comforted? Will he be able to learn from this experience? I'll try to stay positive, but...he's my baby. I never realized until now that I'm actually a protective mom. I don't want him to be hurt.

Our Angel is Three

Three years ago right now, I was in a hospital beginning my recovery from the birth of my first beautiful child. There was snow on the ground outside and he was a week early, but Evan had finally joined our family. It started out as quite an adventure. And what an adventure it continues to be! I can't believe my baby is three. I can't believe what I have learned from these three years. Evan has opened my eyes to the ability to reevaluate the visions I had of my life and adjust and still love it. He has made me fall in love with eye contact. And I'm so glad that he has his father's eyes. Evan is my sweet little boy who loves his family more than anything else. (And that's saying a lot in comparison to pacifiers and other things made of paper or plastic). And he will continue to help me develop as his mother very soon as we near the decision for him to start preschool. Evan loves us and we love him. Happy birthday handsome.

Fall Break in the desert

by Oliver
Friday morning we loaded up the trunk full of camping gear and headed south on I-15 even though we still hadn't decided excatly where we were going. I had Friday off from School, so Megan took the day off and we headed south. I was getting bummed from the last few weeks of stormy fall weather and decided we needed to get some sun.
Usually on road trips, we are on the way to visit someone or someplace specific and I try to get us there with as few stops as possible. This time however we had no where to go and plenty of time to get there.
We stopped first at Fillmore, the kids needed to get out and run around a bit, and we had never seen the old state capitol building even though we had passed Fillmore several dozen times. So I pulled off and drove through town following the signs....and all the sudden we were on the other side of Fillmore and no capitol building! Some how we passed right by it. So we stopped at some little park instead and the kids ran around a bit.
We took off south again and ended up in St. George. One of the places on our list of possible stops was Snow Canyon. After getting some last minute things at Walmart in St. George, we followed signs up hwy 18 through Ivans and found the entrance to the state park at Snow Canyon. The campsites were all full though so the ranger gave us directions to Gunlock state park. About 15 or so miles further west.
Gunlock state park is about 3 feet wide and consists of a boat dock and a few picnic tables. When we pulled in there wasn't another person in view. We set up our campsite, ate some tin-foil dinners and roasted marshmallows. This is getting kind of long so I'll try to wrap it up.
We had a crazy night with the wind almost blowing our tent over several times and kids ending up not sleeping in their pack-and-plays. It was still too windy in the morning and our stove kept blowing out so we didn't get to cook our pancakes and eggs. In spite of a few random annoyances, we were so excited to be out in desert of southern Utah on an adventure to let anything ruin our spirits. We followed some back country roads through Washington and Iron counties, ate some "famous" pie in Veyo, found the Meadow Massacre site, saw a lot of beautiful country, birds, and a few crazy hunters. On the way back north, we tried again for the old state capitol building and were successful. We made it back in town in time to watch the 2nd half of the football game. What a great weekend. Thanks Megan and boys for the fun times!

Celebrating the Everyday

One blog that I enjoy reading is called Bloom. This last week they've been focusing on how we celebrate the everyday. Mainly through photography which I of course think is brilliant, but it leads me to think about how I celebrate the everyday while it still is that day. And as I was thinking about it, I think I do a pretty good job. Here are some of the dailies that I have enjoyed.

"Bubba!" or bubbles for the rest of you. Ryan has definitely made use of this new word and being cute. Every day this week he has had his mama blow plenty of bubbles.

The mess that is my house. I'm enjoying it. I really am. I'm also enjoying the fact that my husband said "how do I start a crucial conversation with you?" so that we could talk about maintaining this mess of a house.

The need that my babies have to be cuddled and near each other and their parents.

I had to get a picture of this. This is a sad reality to our life, but definitely an everyday experience. Evan DESTROYS books. He loves to tear and rip and every other synonym to those. Which means we don't read to the boys as often as we should, but don't worry, we do try sometimes.


My husband who doesn't like having his picture taken. But he still makes me happy.

And then I had the opportunity last night to go to a relief society retreat and I actually did some crafty things. They aren't near perfect, but it was quick and it was fun and I enjoyed myself instead of being nervous or afraid of not knowing people well enough or not.

My boys. I love them. They are enough to make the longest, hardest day be forgotten.

What everyday things do you find joy in...or maybe you need to learn how to find joy in?

Community

What makes you feel like a part of a community? I'm not going to complain, but discuss the awarenesses I've had about community. "Community" is a topic we encourage our RAs and our residents to learn of and put into practice while living in the residence halls. Its not a new topic to me, but one I want to explore a little more. many people will think of their community as their neighborhood where they live, or the group of individuals they spend the most time with or have a lot in common with. Anyone who attends a church would then have their church community that they are involved with. Our community ranges from 75 single female students, to the group of Hall Advisors who go through the same things I go through, to Oliver's classmates at school, to our ward that has boundaries that are about 14 blocks away.
I know that we very easily find excuses to NOT be a part of the community. (The students have lives of their own, we aren't really a part of this community--Evan has special needs, therefore noone else knows how we are feeling, or they are judging me because I can't control my children--Our ward is so far away and we are the only ones not an actual neighbor--the list could go on and on).
How do you get over excuses and just become part of the community? How can you bring that community feeling into yourself? One, I actually let my children play in the lobby which they love because its bigger than our living room, but they also love to interact with the 75 cute girls in our building and this is one way to do it. I don't have to hide in my room and just be "The Hall Advisor", but can be the random married woman with adorable children.
Two, we can actually be social with our coworkers and classmates other than just the immediate interactions through work and school. Hmm...gotta work on that one a little more. :)
Three, participate in ward functions. What? That's crazy talk! We went to a ward chili cookout last Friday, which was good. Not great, but good. And today at church, I had a good lesson about what's holding us back. What is the light that's not working that is distracting you from flying the plane? (For sense of that question, read story below from Dieter F. Uchtdorf)
"On a dark December night 36 years ago, a Lockheed 1011 jumbo jet crashed into the Florida Everglades, killing over 100 people. This terrible accident was one of the deadliest crashes in the history of the United States. A curious thing about this accident is that all vital parts and systems of the airplane were functioning perfectly—the plane could have easily landed safely at its destination in Miami, only 20 miles (32km) away.
During the final approach, however, the crew noticed that one green light had failed to illuminate—a light that indicates whether or not the nose landing gear has extended successfully. The pilots discontinued the approach, set the aircraft into a circling holding pattern over the pitch-black Everglades, and turned their attention toward investigating the problem. They became so preoccupied with their search that they failed to realize the plane was gradually descending closer and closer toward the dark swamp below. By the time someone noticed what was happening, it was too late to avoid the disaster.
After the accident, investigators tried to determine the cause. The landing gear had indeed lowered properly. The plane was in perfect mechanical condition. Everything was working properly—all except one thing: a single burned-out lightbulb. That tiny bulb—worth about 20 cents—started the chain of events that ultimately led to the tragic death of over 100 people.
Of course, the malfunctioning lightbulb didn’t cause the accident; it happened because the crew placed its focus on something that seemed to matter at the moment while losing sight of what mattered most."
Its something to think about. After church I then went with the teacher of the lesson to visit another member of the ward who has been assigned to us to visit teach(a great and weird concept that I'm still learning to appreciate). It was a reawakening of how being a member of a community is supposed to feel. When you are responsible for helping someone else(and actually do something), it makes you feel a greater purpose in yourself. What do you think? Does being involved in a community make you feel better?

Feels like Family

Lately, I've been rather conflicted in life in knowing what exactly I am doing. Am I a mother, am I a Hall Advisor, am I a wife, am I Megan? It has been confusing. But Oliver blessed me with a few days this last week that at least reminded me that I'm a member of a family and a family that enjoys spending time together and not just getting through the day. We spent time together at a local park, playing in the grass, walking around the park as it started to rain while the little soccer games were ending quickly. It was a great night with beautiful colors due to the small storm and happy faces. I also enjoyed seeing Oliver get excited about new sites at Antelope Island on Saturday. I love the time away from my house where I have all these conflicted feelings and can just focus on one portion of who I am. Maybe I can figure out how to be whole at home. Any ideas?

Why I love the Internet

As I was preparing for my drive to San Diego, I spent a little time online to make sure I knew how to get where I was going. Yay for mapquest and for googlemaps! I had to think about stops though that would allow for children to run free safely and not in a gas station parking lot. So I was able to find out stops that were about 2 hours apart and then looking through different websites I found parks within those cities that we could stop at. It was great! On the way south, we stopped at Cove Fort, an LDS tourist spot along I-15 that we've never stopped at before. We played in the grass awhile while I fed the boys banana and grapes and then went on a quick tour of the fort itself. I'm glad I did, it reminded me of the sites in Nauvoo(even some of the same stories like "Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite"). Then we stopped in St. George where I had found a little park just two blocks south of the gas station that we normally stop at in St. George. Ryan even found a bunny to watch until some older boys decided they wanted to try and catch it which chased it away. Then we made it into Henderson to stay with Grandma Betty for a short night. We left early the next morning to continue our journey. I was going to stop in Baker for gas, but then decided not to since the boys were sleeping and the next park stop was an hour away. Barstow. We found Dana Park and took a walk around the grounds a bit. The next stop was going to be so cool! Temecula Duck Pond! But I didn't have the heart to stop when the boys were asleep and we only had an hour until getting to our final destination. This happened again on the way out. The boys had fallen asleep so I did stop at the duck pond for only a minute before deciding to just grab some lunch and keep driving. (It was Friday afternoon and I didn't want to get stuck in busy California traffic--even though I still did). Barstow was calling my name again though by the time got too much further. I was so tired. So we found the park again and took out a blanket and laid down a bit. We were all so grateful to be able to spend more time in Henderson that night and next morning before having to get into the car for another set of 6 hours. We stopped at College Park again in St. George. No bunny this time, but a little girl that Ryan played with for a few minutes. These parks were life savers for me as well as the boys because I needed some time to close my eyes for longer than just blinking. By the time it got to our stop around Cove Fort, I just wanted to get home so I only stopped long enough to get gas and let the boys play on a giant rocking chair that I remember sharing with Oliver during our first few weeks of dating. Maybe Amber remembers...
That is why I love the Internet. Because I knew where I was going and how to get there and didn't feel clueless as I was driving which made me a safer driver(even if I didn't always do things safely-like taking photos of the boys while driving).

Honor, Courage, Commitment

I had the privilege of driving down to San Diego last week with my two babes to witness the formal ceremony of a Marine graduation. My little brother is now a Marine after a hard, stressful, and intense 3 month training. My father was in the Navy as well as the Army National Guard and Naval Reserve. My oldest brother joined the Army a few years after high school. My grandfather was in the Coast Guard. My father-in-law is a Colonel in the Air Force. My grandfather-in-law was a Marine and now my youngest brother is a Marine. And I am proud to be an American.

I won't go into every little detail as I sometimes do when discussing events so instead will focus on a few little things. The Marine Corps Recruit Depot where Mitch spent the last 3 months is very interesting. I haven't spent a LOT of time on bases before, and this was my first time staying in billeting. It's interesting how the military has its own vocabulary. Cover instead of hat. Deck instead of floor. Overhead instead of ceiling. Things like that. And the protocol of respect they teach them. Ma'am. Sir. Having to address every officer they pass even if he's not looking at you. When in their dress uniforms, they can't have anything in their pockets(which makes me wonder why they even take the time to make them have pockets).

They teach these young men a lot of information. "Since that first night on the yellow footprints, every hour of training has been to prepare the new Marines for their final tests of recruit training." -written by Cpl. Shawn Dickens in Vol. 69, No. 28 of Chevron, the newspaper for the MCRD-San Diego. Think about that...every HOUR since June 15th, they have been receiving training on how to pass the final tests to become a Marine. And there are so many traidtions with the military and so many amazing values they try to instill in these young men. The shortened version also comes from Cpl. Shawn Dickens: "Their drill instructors have spent the last thirteen weeks molding them into basically trained marines-teaching them close-order drill, hand-to-hand combat, rifle marksmanship, and the history of the Corps. The drill instructors have also passed on the meaning of the Corps' values of honor, courage, and commitment."

Honor, Courage and Commitment. Those are very deep values to try to pass on to someone, even if you are focusing on it every day for 3 months straight. And since the average age the Marines that graduated on Friday is 18, that really made me think. How many of the young men that I come across in my work with college students, already have those values instilled in them? During my brief time observing the large amount of Marines interacting with each other and with the family members that overtook the depot Thursday & Friday, I didn't necessarily see those three deep core values. They aren't always something you see as they walk by. The Marines will correct each other openly and with no intention of embarrassment or harrassment, just to make sure that they are aware of what they aren't doing correctly. (I witnessed a "Your cover is crooked", "Really, Marine?" as one was going to climb over a short wall instead of going around it, and a third to direct another to maintain awareness as he was supposed to be stopping family members from crossing the very large parade deck). Then I began to think about how the corrected Marine handled it("Thank you" or "yes, sir" or "no , Sir") and compared that to how the average 18 year olds I have seen corrected or had to correct handled the correction. Usually not so well. In other words, that takes a lot of courage to simply accept correction.

And commitment! They had done it! 3 months of nonstop training. I don't even know everything they had to go through, but a lot of it is at a shout and a lot of it is to make sure they are ready because it could be life saving information they get. It's vital that they learn how to obey their commander's instructions with no question as to why. And the information that they have been taught should be honored. I still have a lot of questions of how he handled everything and the reasons why he did it and if those reasons have changed. He still has more training to go through before he is done, but this is the hardest part. Mitchell told me about a young man who left two weeks beforehand because he had not being doing the things on purpose so that he could go home. He had been there for 3 months, but didn't have the strength or commitment level to complete what he had started.

I could go on and on and on about the thoughts I had during that brief 24 hour period. I was able to witness this graduation on September 11th. The flag was flying at half-staff. These Marines have been reminded of honor, courage and commitment every day just as everyone else is reminded when they think about what happened that day 8 years ago and the stories of heroism that grew that day.
I am impressed by the eighteen year olds I meet. The ones who have figured out who they are and what they are doing and the ones who are still struggling with that. I know that Mitchell is still learning exactly who he is and what he's doing with his life, but I think they all have a lot of courage to take a step in any direction to become an adult while still physically and mentally developing past the point of adolescence. Sometimes I still struggle with knowing who I am and what I'm doing, but love to learn from those younger than me as they start their amaizng journeys. Mitchell, I'm proud of you. I think that even if it was rough and a struggle, you should say its worth it, just for those 3 core values of honor, courage, and commitment. (And you look sharp in your uniform).