Ups then some Downs

Wow. Today has been overwhelming. Not too overwhelming, so maybe just whelming? Well, more than I wanted in one day. I've already been in contemplation of some decisions but I was thinking about some of them this morning. Can I handle another long distance drive with just the boys? Would Ryan benefit from preschool or not, if so which one? Do we need a vehicle change in our household?
Then as I was in a different part of the house, I hear a CRASH! Never a good sign in anyone's home. I came out to find that Ryan, not Evan had moved our floor lamp and then knocked it over making a lovely pile of broken glass in the living room. As I was about finished with the clean up, Ryan starts to cry. He had been putting something in his mouth that he shouldn't have and it ended up going further than expected and hurt the interior of his mouth. It was a moment of panic in trying to find what to do. I didn't have a car at that moment and Oliver was still in a class at that moment. I tried to call two different local clinics which apparently both take lunch at the same time. I finally got in touch with another one that wasn't entirely helpful because at the moment we're still on my insurance instead of Oliver's and the receptionist suggested I call my insurance to find an approved carrier. Luckily, during this conversation with the woman "I'm not medically trained, but you should get that looked at!", I realized that I could call our previous pediatrician since we haven't changed any documents over to a new pediatrician closer to us yet and they don't take lunch until after 1 instead of 12-1. Even luckier, a nurse answered and was able to help me. Whew.
So Ryan has had a rough day, and I've been in decision overload. Never a good thing for me. :) So many decisions to make. Not a horrible day, but not so great either. Hooray for tender mercies.

Finding Success

After a long and struggling Sunday, Monday came out much better. No, it wasn't a perfect day because perfect can only describe One person and One plan. It was pretty happy though. It was a day full of play and movement and laughter. It was a day of success. I realized that working only for my family has given us a handful of blessings despite the lost feeling I need to overcome. First, I find I tend to have a little more patience with the boys than before. Since I'm not worn out by deadlines, meetings, or other things, I'm not as tired when it comes to focusing on my children.

 Not perfectly clean, but it will never be. But look at all the space!

Second, we've had homemade dinner almost every night. Oliver took care of all the meals on Sunday for me, but I've been trying to stay on top of meals each night and way before 5pm. It's a huge achievement on my part. The other success with this is that Ryan has been eating everything every night. He's not fighting us as much about the food on his plate. He may not eat a lot of it, but he will eat what's on his plate even if its just a small spoonful of vegetables. Yay!

He helped me snap those beans to get them ready to cook. He loves to help.

Third, we had our very first official Family Home Evening. Pretty impressive since we've been a family for 8 years. But I prepared a few things earlier in the day, we had a prayer, sang a song, read a story in the Friend and then compared it to our experience on Saturday night at Walmart, then sang Do As I'm Doing which Ryan loved, two other wiggle songs, had another prayer and then ate some ice cream. Then, we went outside to eat and play before it got too dark. Even though Oliver had had a too long day(the school had an open house that night so he had to stay 3 extra hours and he came home tired and with a headache) it was nice to have those moments together as a family.
The little successes are worth it.

Lost

Yesterday, during our most recent trip to Walmart, Ryan got lost. Oliver and I were looking at something and I was talking on the phone. Evan was sitting in his cart and I noticed that Ryan walked off with my cart. It wasn't for several minutes that Oliver said, "Where's Ryan?". Thus began a slightly frantic look for Ryan through the nearby aisles and all the way over to the toy and entertainment section. Oliver finally found went to the customer service and found him. Apparently, he really wanted chicken nuggets and started off to get them by himself. He was actually pretty calm about it all and I was even more surprised to see Oliver's calm reaction as well. I had been pretty calm during the search which grew increasingly more concerned and worried. The story ended happily in that Ryan easily agreed to being confined to the cart for the remainder of the shopping trip.

I am now realizing how lost I am feeling lately. This first full week of reality has brought tears of embarrassment and frustration. Joy in being calmed by family. Homemade dinner on almost every night. Lawn and flower and boy watering. But a lot of sitting around not knowing what to do. There are things that need to be done and I've done several of those things...finally emptied two boxes in the bathroom, hung up a few things on the wall, dishes, laundry, etc. But I'm still lost. I haven't grasped that full role of being a mother yet. We'll see if  I can get there soon. I read a trilogy which was nice, but I also felt guilty in just sitting and reading. I recently read a friend's thoughts that have jolted me slightly. Stop worrying about whether I'm fully prepared for things, but just jump in and try things. Because if I don't, then I'll never actually achieve anything and my sons will just sit around too. I do need to sit down and write some things to achieve though otherwise I'll still be lost. Read with Ryan, get outside, play with Evan-create games for him out of cardboard boxes or paper-we happen to have some of those on hand. I don't want to feel lost anymore, but at the same time, I need to have a goal, a purpose for myself to constantly be reminded of in order to know what to do when I don't know what to do.
Elder M. Russell Ballard shared a wonderful message for me in the September Ensign called "Keeping Your Life in Balance". Not only does he share 8 basic things to do, but he says this:

       

"Often the lack of clear direction and goals can waste our time and energy and contribute to imbalance in our lives. A life that gets out of balance is much like a car tire that is out of balance. It will make the operation of the car rough and unsafe. Tires in perfect balance can give a smooth and comfortable ride. So it is with life. The ride through mortality can be smoother for us when we strive to stay in balance. Our main goal should be to seek “immortality and eternal life” (Moses 1:39). With this as our goal, why not eliminate from our lives the things that clamor for and consume our thoughts, feelings, and energies without contributing to our reaching that goal?

Not long ago, one of my children said, “Dad, sometimes I wonder if I will ever make it.” The answer I gave to her is the same as I would give to you. Just do the very best you can each day. Do the basic things and, before you realize it, your life will be full of spiritual understanding that will confirm to you that your Heavenly Father loves you. When a person knows this, then life will be full of purpose and meaning, making balance easier to maintain."

Did I mention that one of our cars is sitting in the high school parking lot with a flat tire?

Slow Transition

After we moved everything and were back in the house for real, we had our first overnight guests. Charlie, Chelsea, Macy & Andrea drove down from Idaho. It was great for Evan & Ryan to have someone to play with and Charlie & Chelsea were kind enough to take the kids to the park on two separate occasions so that we could unpack some more things.

Grandma drove up from Utah County and gave us a child safety gate that Charlie helped me put together.

Then Charlie and Chelsea gave us a beautiful gift of a patio set. It was a great transition into our new home.

The following Monday my mom flew in. Back in June when we decided that we were going to be moving and last week I would have freedom to do whatever I wanted, I bought tickets for Mom, Natalie and I to attend the indoor performance of The City of Joseph that was going to be performed during Education Week at BYU. I also bought tickets to see Vocal Point. So on Tuesday, we drove down to Utah County. We had a slight detour though. It was RA Training week. The last time I wasn't tied down to work, I don't really know. Before I was hired as a Hall Advisor, I had been working at the front desk of Deseret Towers, a housing area that was working with Education Week. So I've always been busy I feel. I spent so much time planning the week for RA training that I knew what they were doing and when. Mom, Evan, Ryan & I drove to Salt Lake City to say hi as they all walked to lunch. Oliver suggested we make signs. So we did. And it was awesome. We got hugs and I smiled a lot. It was great.

Ryan took Grammy's camera and took some awesome pictures.

 

Ben

 

Lacey

  

Tess

  

Spencer

 

Crystal

Then we took the boys to the Creekhouse while we went to see Vocal Point which was great. We stuck around a little while because we ran into Don Oscarson and his wife. Don is the author of The City Of Joseph. A play that kind of identified my youth and part of my current identity too.

 

Sister and Brother Oscarson, Me, Nat.

 The next night we saw the adapted play which was wonderful. I also crashed another RA Training session for the returning RAs at Spring Haven. It was pretty amazing. Let's be honest, that's the only time I was going to be able to get away with crashing training, so I did. It was great and I'm sad I didn't take a single picture.

         

 Visiting Natalie in her new classroom.

I was going to leave on Thursday morning to head back to our new home, but decided to stay until Friday night when there would be a City of Joseph reunion in honor of Don Oscarson and Jerry Bench(the original director of the outdoor pageant in Nauvoo). It was great. Traumatic for Evan because we stayed too long, but still good. 

 A photo of Maughn McMurdie(the composer who has since passed away), Don & Jerry.

 Luke & his cute family. One of the few people I actually new well during the pageant years ago.

 Dancing the City Of Joseph dance together.

 Some of Jerry's family's old costumes

 Elmer & the Bear!

 Hearing Don recite the last lines of the play and then singing Bend of the River together.

Then we drove home, got Mom to tell me her conversion story(and I wrote it down... I should let her know that), and the next morning got Mom to the airport where she had an interesting security experience before getting on the plane. So our first few weeks of being in our new home involved me not really being in our new home and Oliver being left alone to attend meetings and prep for the beginning of the school year. Only now are we actually getting into a pattern. But I'm grateful for the slow transition I've had from my "old" life to my new. It was a wonderful week with my Moms, sisters, and bits of Residence Life and reminders of things I love.

Moving

Somehow we managed to pack all of our stuff and move it into a U-Haul. We had some great help from a former RA Jeremy, current RA Mike, HA spouse/home teacher Josh, and my visiting teacher and her husband. Another HA husband, Trevor, showed up at the end, but did a few things. :) And of course, Natalie, my beloved sister was there moving and packing. Oliver's mom was a huge help by taking the boys and watching them all day long.

 

Oliver moved most of the furniture to the living room the night before to make it easier the next day.

 

Josh and Jeremy and Oliver somehow got "the beast" into the  truck.

We moved all our stuff, stayed in the house one night, and then returned to Utah County so I could finalize work stuff and truly be moved out. We were blessed to stay at the Creekhouse(what we call the house Oliver's parents' bought and his grandma lives in) and were treated wonderfully. Monday August 6th I turned all of my work stuff over to my boss and then was blessed to have a wonderful Wyview Family Dinner with a few other invited friends.

 Allison and Kristina from Heritage 2008-2009

Jeremy, Kate, & Valerie from Wyview 2010-2011(& Deanna's baby boy)

 Rhea, Mike, Matt, & Ryan from Wyview 2011-2012

 Mike, Mike, Mikaela, Jenny & Karina from Wyview Summer term 2012.

 Deanna & Ben. Awesome friends and coworkers.

 The only picture of Crystal I got. She refused to say goodbye to me so she gets to put up with whatever photos I decide to post. :)

 Hall Advisors I don't get to work with anymore. Kristen, Cami, Jessica, & Natalie. "I totally don't know you're taking my picture."

 Lessa, Becky & Lori. Inspirational women whom I am blessed to know.

 Because we lingered to the end, Oliver willingly played with the kids that were still around.

 Ryan & Julia.

 The view that Oliver will miss.

I was given this beauty as a going away gift. It is filled with notes from those in Residence Life and with the BYU Mint Truffles. I was supposed to read a note and eat a truffle, but I couldn't stop myself from reading the notes in a few days and those truffles are gone (luckily, Becky was smart enough to give me an extra bag).

The next day we drove to our new home because we needed to be available for our next happy delivery.

 

 Grass & trees!

 Our very own washer and dryer. It's a beautiful thing.

I am grateful for the things I learned and the people I met during my long time in BYU Residence Life. I think I truly am ready now for our current adventure.

This happened

Oliver made a very rich chocolatey cake from scratch and Beth made the frosting for my 30th birthday.