Easter

I like to put in a little effort to making the holidays feel a little unique or special. Perhaps its to let my children know that the holiday is honoring something different from every other day. Perhaps its solely for me to recognize that special something too. Either way, Easter has been celebrated well in our home. One beautiful tradition is that we are blessed by Easter Aunt Ari who has put together and sent Easter baskets for the last several years to her nephews in this house and all of her other nieces and nephews across the country.we took this year's beautiful baskets to the city's Easter egg hunt Saturday morning. Ryan came out with a filled basket and Evan found one egg. 

   Parenting side note: I am often setting myself up for disappointment before attending certain events. Hoping that it will be a positive and fun experience for all but it doesn't always turn out as I imagined. There's nothing less motivating than a giant group of people-parents and children-being corralled into a large square of grass that has been sprinkled with eggs and candy and other things and then sent off to clear the ground in a matter of seconds. Ryan had an okay time of it and was delighted to find the different prizes he received, but it was overwhelming for Evan to have so many people swarming around and to be told no and confined so often in that short span of time. It was more stressful than pleasant for me than I would have liked. Parent side note over.

This photo describes Evan's attitude before, during and after the egg hunt.

Ryan and I colored eggs with kool-aid and white crayons. I'm glad we had fun coloring them, but I will be the only one to eat the hard-boiled eggs. And I'm okay with that. I just have to remember not to peel the shell with wet hands unless I want red fingers all day.

This morning Ryan and I made "resurrection rolls" with some Peeps that had been gifted to us. I got to teach Ryan's primary class today. I haven't attended Primary in a few years so that was fun. Ryan also gave a talk during sharing time and did well. He's memorized the first article of faith and recited that as part of his talk. Earlier this week, my visiting teacher, Janae, decided that she would try to organize a few helpers to watch Evan after the sacrament was passed because we have been leaving early the last few months because Evan will not sit still and keep himself occupied. So today, Tracy and her daughter Allie were kind enough to watch Evan so that Oliver and I could enjoy the rest of the sacrament service. I'm extremely grateful for the thoughtfulness of the members of this ward along with their devotion to finding solutions for us.

Showing off their new shirts and ties. Ryan's not feeling the best, hence the odd smile.

Oliver made us a delicious dinner, I provided a less than noteworthy dessert and now its time for us to say good night to the month of March and to this day that honors the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. While I can often be less than hopeful throughout the day, I'm grateful for the knowledge and the hope that is behind the statement: He Lives.

A Good Day

At one point in the day, Oliver said, "So you've had a good day then, you seem pretty happy."
That was at 3:30. And yes, it was a good day.
When the boys woke up, I was able to firmly tell Evan no to the TV and instead just snuggled and tried to get some breakfast in them. The boys went to school and I went to play volleyball at the church. We had a delay in opening the building so I went for a walk around the field in the back.
After volleyball I picked the boys up from school. Several days this week, Ryan has requested to play at the park and I've turned him down for different reasons: I don't feel well, I'm cooking dinner, etc. On the way home from school, we stopped at the park and played. Not just the I'll sit here and watch you, but full on imaginative, smiling, running play. While at the park, my phone rang. It said "Oliver" so I quickly flipped it open and said, "Hey!". And that's where I learned that I need to not have the school's number listed as Oliver anymore. The principal was calling me to offer the job I'd interviewed for almost 4 weeks ago.
After we finished playing, it was time for lunch which was good. The boys were happy and ate well and I had a bacon, lettuce, tomato and avocado sandwich(my new favorite). After lunch we relaxed a bit with a few shows on Netflix, some coloring and a phone call with Grammy(Thanks Mom!). I talked with Oliver and then decided to leave the house for a bit.
We drove to the grocery store to pick up some sauce for our dinner and to drop off Ryan's coloring page to get a treat. Then we walked down to the high school to visit with Daddy for a few minutes. I loved Evan's reaction to seeing Daddy come out of room into the hallway. He was so excited to see him. After the short visit, we walked to the post office to pick up a happy Easter package from Jimmy & Ari. By the time we walked back to the van in the grocery store parking lot, I was hot, Ryan was thirsty and so I decided to try some smoothies from a restaurant that I've been wanting to try for months now. And they were pretty good. We got back home, shared smoothies while watching Wreck-It Ralph and then opened the package. Inside were two adorable Easter baskets with fun surprises inside. Thanks Ari & Jimmy for thinking of us and sending love from across the country!
The evening consisted of homemade pizza for dinner, snuggling on the couch, working on my afghan while Oliver read his book, Ryan playing a game on the Wii, and watching Evan run back and forth to look out the windows.
Thanks sunshine, I think you helped start it off right.

Inspiration Motivation and the Internet

I'm so tired. not getting the amount of sleep I'm used to makes it hard to function right about now in the day. I feel like I need to write on our blog, but I don't feel like I have much to share. So here's what I've been doing. I've been crying over any sort of inspirational movie or story shared on the internet, especially if it involves an individual with a special need. I've been awed by the number of people dealing with challenges in their lives like leukemia and a brain tumor both shortly after delivering newborn babies. I've been lacking motivation in staying strong with our health challenge(I've been doing well in resisting sweets, but I'm not always eating the healthy things to replace it). I've been trying to plan meals for the next few weeks. I've been thinking I should start packing things, but at the same time, am still in disbelief that we are moving soon. I've been dreaming about having a yard with a fence so I don't have to chase Evan whenever we're outside. I've been wishing I could find more accurate information about my ancestors. I've been crocheting. I've been snuggling little boys-although not too much today because that's what made me tired-I was fine before I started to snuggle with Evan. I've been hoping Oliver will come home soon, that he is feeling better and that I might get a nap. I've been thinking about Easter. I've been realizing that I'm getting to a point where my influence is not the only influence in the life of Ryan and trying to figure out how to deal with that.
I thought I'd write something philosophical about the influence of the internet in our world, but I'm too tired. And I'm finishing this the day after I started it. What have you been doing?

Thanks for the Weekend

I have lost my gratitude journal so I'm going to share what I'm thankful for here.

I'm thankful for Beth and her desire to attend the temple to receive her own ordinances.
I'm thankful that Beth invited us to participate with her at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple.

I'm thankful for Natalie and Dave who willingly watched the little boys and girls so that their parents could go to the temple.
I'm thankful for the inspiration I received while inside the temple and the rejuvenation of my spirit that I didn't even realize I needed.
I'm thankful for the beautiful weather this last week which allowed the boys to play outside so much and allowed us to have a little campfire Saturday night.

I'm thankful for my mother in law who gives and shares so much with us and our children and hope that she felt how much she is loved on her birthday.

I'm thankful for St. Patrick's Day and the chance to do "silly" things that may not always be necessary.

I'm thankful for Ryan's appreciation of said silly things that make it all worth while.

I'm thankful for my handsome husband who can make hard days better and make good days great.

Blah

Today, I am feeling rather blah. Therefore, I write. So that I can flush some of my thoughts out of my brain and because I always feel the need to put a positive spin on stuff.
I feel like I float through life each day and not really living with enough purpose to make each day meaningful.  Sure, I get up on time and get Evan to school. Meals are made. Children, self and husband are fed. I am still reading my scriptures daily and I've been going to play volleyball with some women from the stake every Tuesday and Thursday. But for some reason today it hits me that there is a lot I'm not doing well or that I don't try hard enough even though I know better. I don't have the excuse that Ryan gives for Evan, "He doesn't know better."
Many days I sit inside the house near the boys while I sit at the computer and they watch TV or the blessed days when Ryan plays and entertains Evan and I feel overwhelming gratitude for having such an amazing little boy who seems to thrive despite my lack of encouragement. And, yes, I happen to be sitting at the computer at the moment while Evan watches Lilo and Stitch, but I'm hoping that this will get my mind going and will help motivate me beyond my previous rut. I've been wanting chocolate and ice cream and all those sugary sweets, but I have told myself to stick with this healthy eating stuff where I only have such things once a week and I can't quite justify eating it in order to satisfy a craving.
Perhaps its the comparison I make that makes right now rough. Friday night we drove to Springville to visit with Oliver's mom, our sister-in-law Chelsea and her 3 adorable girls and Beth. Saturday morning, Beth and I went to catch some of the BYU Women's Rugby game and we were blessed to watch Keilani, Beth and Ollie's cousin, play. I also have a former RA on the team, Nalia, and I was surprised by another former RA, Melanie, who was there watching her sister. Small world. After that, we went back for some lunch and I was able to play outside with the boys and their cousins for a little while. Then I went back to Provo to meet with a beautiful friend, Becky, who had graciously invited me to watch "Les Miserables" with her and her husband. It was such a blessing to get a hug from her and then to sit through a beautiful movie with her. I'm so grateful for you, Becky. I wish I had had more time to just hang out with you guys and discuss the movie and life and all that jazz. Then an evening with the boys and Beth and Mom. A really fantastic day.
Perhaps I still haven't gotten over the fact that my sole responsibility now is to my family. Even though I had gone through many moments of not giving fully to my job and my family before, I wonder if I need to have something else to keep me motivated so that I don't just sit on my butt and let my sons do diddley squat all day long. My biggest problem is that I don't know what to do. And I need to get over the "I don't really want to pretend right now" thought process and just do it. Good motto. Good job, Nike. Just do it. Just get over yourself. Stop being stupid and feeling sorry for yourself.
Hmm...not such a positive spin is it? Well, I will definitely share how amazing Oliver is. He has compensated for my lacking so much that I can't tell him enough how much it means to me. The sun was shining this afternoon and we finally made an attempt to playing outside. Oliver is outside again with Ryan right now. Last night, he did the dishes and made an attempt at cleaning up a pile of disorganized papers in our bedroom. He is a wonder and I'm so blessed to have him at my side constantly lifting me up.
To end on a humorous note, here's a lovely photo from a few weeks ago.

Don't worry, that beard only stayed for a couple days. Shaved for the purposes of a "Duck Dynasty" themed day at school and then it stayed through the weekend as he was away at a band competition.

Strength

One of my goals this year was to be better about reading my scriptures. In the past, I've read at night before bed and it was usually a half hearted thing. I think the last time I really read the scriptures for its full purpose was in high school. Starting in January, I began reading a chapter or so a day while I ate breakfast. It has been amazing! I love that its part of my routine now and that Ryan can see me reading even if he doesn't have the patience yet to read with me. I love how I want to keep reading and how I'm making connections between stories. I think I'm most amazed by the revelation I've received from these chapters. This time around I've been struck by the fact that many of the stories talk about strength and how those who are righteous and have faith in God are blessed with strength to overcome their enemies and protect their families. Those who do not have faith and are trying to have a different purpose for their actions are not blessed nor protected. My first connection with this thought process was with Ammon and how he protects the king's sheep in Alma Chapter 17. If Ammon had boasted in his own strength or began to believe that he conquered those thieves by his own ability alone, he would never have been able to do it, or would fail if he attempted to do it again. I've read and reread this same concept throughout the chapters on the wars with Moroni and Helaman and many others.
Here's the revelatory part. As I read the concept the first time, I compared it to giving birth to my two sons. My pregnancies were relatively easy and smooth and delivery was fairly uncomplicated. I was able to deliver both with no pain medicine and a relatively short recovery time for all involved. I've been thinking that another child would bless our family and while I hope that is so, I have been struck by the fact that I'm 5 years older than the last time I went through this process and I haven't cared for my body very well in those 5 years. So this understanding of the strength given these missionaries and soldiers and prophets made me realize that I shouldn't doubt in the Lord's blessing. The Lord blessed me with a strong body and a strong willpower and strong genes to get me through those first two pregnancies, I didn't do it by myself nor am I better than anyone else because my body was blessed to handle those things well. If I am able to have another child, then I need to be faithful in and grateful to the Lord while being more mindful of how I care for this body I was given. I wish it were that easy to keep tragedy at bay, but it has at least eased my worry.
I was struck by another epiphany during church the last few weeks that kind of ties in here. Last week, the topic was the Holy Ghost. One sister shared a lesson from her father who had been excommunicated from the Church. She said he would often share with her that when he was excommunicated, the Holy Ghost left him and he became more fully aware of what he was missing. Without that influence on his spirit, he felt much less wise and he realized that the Holy Ghost had been blessing him with all these things that he'd been attributing to his own ability and knowledge.
The second one was just this last Sunday. The topic was finding peace and happiness. One comment shared was that these things can already be within you if you just ask Heavenly Father for them. It made me put all these thoughts together to realize how much of how identify myself is based on my experiences and my knowledge and how much has been given to me by Heavenly Father as I go through these experiences and gain this knowledge. It's something that I can't separate because if I took one away, then the other wouldn't feel right. I would feel incomplete. Yet another reason to be grateful for what I have been given. Everything.