Thoughts on an Angel

Today was one of those days where I compared Evan to the other children his age and felt a little sad about how his experience in this world is different than theirs. I know I shouldn't (and most of the time, I don't) but, today was the first time I went with him to Primary instead of taking him to Nursery at church (Oliver has been with him the previous times). Oliver and I used to spend our Sundays in the Primary with children just a few years older than Evan is now. Today I was reminded of some of the feelings I had back then, like how big they were and how even though they were still learning some concepts of sitting still and listening when the teacher speaks, they got it most of the time. They would listen and they were learning. They knew about Jesus and they knew stories branching all across the Bible, Book of Mormon, church history, and even some of the basic concepts of a relationship with Heavenly Father like prayer.

Today I went and sat with Evan. And I witnessed all of the bright eyes and happy faces(a few sad ones) who were excited to be with the other children and were contributing to the lesson being taught. No, they weren't all the children in Evan's class, but there are only 3 years difference between the youngest and the oldest in this first part of the Primary time. It was hard for me to believe that my son with bright eyes and a happy face was old enough to be in the same room with these children who a few years ago, I would have thought were SO big. Evan is my sweet baby. I know he's big and all that, but at the same time, he's not. What was Evan doing while everyone was singing and wanting to participate by answering questions and such? He finally remembered that he'd been here before and began walking around. He found the chalkboard great fun and pushed it back and forth just like he does in our lobby. He walked over to the piano and to the door and kept smiling at everyone. He began hugging all the kids sitting in his class row. And one of them seemed to take it pretty well which impressed me. For the last 20 minutes of church, Oliver (who had come in to let me go to Relief Society) had taken Evan back down to nursery where he could run around and play and not be frustrated by having to sit still.

Evan brings such a different dimension to any room he is in and I hope that these children can learn from him as I am. We are all different. We do see the world in a different way. Even though we think everyone understands the world in the same way because they may look the same or talk the same way we do, there is no way we can all understand it the same, because we each have different backgrounds and different experiences that shape our views. Even a sibling that you connect with closely and whom you agree with almost all the time, still doesn't view the world the same. Evan's blessing is that its a little more obvious that his experience is different. Yes, that may make life more challenging and may make people treat him differently. But I also know that some people love him even more because of what he can give. He may have made some of the children nervous by his aggressive hugs, but he is so excited to see them. My visiting teacher came by today who has a daughter in Evan's Primary class. She told me that last week she asked her daughter if Evan was in her class. Her response: Yes, and he kept hugging me...he was so happy to see me in class!

Thank you JaRae for not being afraid or freaked out by his unique talent. Thank you for not thinking it is a problem behavior as some might classify it. I love Evan and am grateful for his ability to show love so clearly and so widely. If you haven't had him walk up to you, throw his head back, close his eyes and wrap his arms tightly around you, you don't know what you're missing...even if he does pull your hair on the way.

And sometimes these eyes just make you happy.