Language of Love

This post comes out of the process of having two children and doing the unfortunate thing of comparing them. I love both of my children, but I do think about things and this thought has crossed my mind. Its a matter of really thinking whether I am a mother or not. Yes, we have two children. We take care of them. We love them. I gave birth to them. But with this comparison of the two of them, I'm realizing just how quickly Ryan is developing and realizing that he will eventually be able to do things that Evan does not or will not do.

"Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."-Dale Carnegie

I have been a mother for a little more than two years now and have not been called "mom" yet except by those who are not really my children. Do you think that being called something makes you that person? Here's a little story. When I first met Oliver, my roommate thought his name was Rob and had an entire conversation with him, continually calling him Rob instead of Oliver and he never corrected her. This led our entire apartment to call him RobOliver(once we found out his real name) and to this day there are still some of our friends who call him Rob because that is how he had been introduced to them. But the other thing about this story is that in those situations with those friends, Oliver would respond to the name Rob. He became Rob. Yes, he was still Oliver and the two were not different personalities, but it was a part of his identity.

One of the privileges of my job is that I get to work with the residents and with the RAs and get the same training that they do. We focus on lots of things for the age group we work with, but that also applies to most things in life, relationships, situations that extend beyond BYU 2008-2009 year. We talk about identity and how we develop identity. The RAs are required to know their resident's names; they get to take a quiz on all of them. Why? because if they can name them on a piece of paper, then when they see them on campus, in classes, in the hall, in their apartments, they can say "Hi, Susie Lou" and it makes it a little easier for that person to transition into being away from home & out of their comfort zone and hopefully won't get lost in the shuffle of craziness we call student life. This applies to everything, when someone remembers your name, don't you feel just a little bit more important and involved, than if they forget or don't know your name?

So that long winded paragraph was about how I live in a house with a husband whom I can't talk to 24 hours a day(maybe only half that) and two boys who speak in guttural sounds. :) I was thinking how cool its going to be to hear Ryan say "Mama" one day and then thinking about whether Evan ever would.

Luckily, these two gorgeous happy boys have a different way of saying Mom and saying I love you. Just like every mother gets to figure out with their new child, they have their own way of sharing their love. Whether its from the biggest smiles you've ever seen greeting you when you walk back into the house, or the tight squeeze you get around your neck. Sometimes its shown in the way that they won't let you put them down. They can't say "Mom, I just need to be held right now" but boy do they say it with their body or the giant scream once you do set them down followed by quiet calm when you pick them back up. It can be as simple as Evan coming over and laying his head on my knee for two seconds(the longest amount of sitting stillness unless he's asleep) or them just crawling to you.

So I definitely look forward to the day when I actually hear the words "Mama" or "Daddy" and my heart will melt. At the same time, I'm grateful that I am still they one they want when they are tired and that I am their security in a crowded room. I love how great it feels to have a head laid on my shoulder. This totally makes me lead into another thought process of intimacy, but this is enough for today. My two adorable and fast growing children are below. Now I need to see if its possible to wrap Christmas gifts while they are awake.