Review

"Thank you for the opportunity to review and renew our testimonies."
-Br. McKinnon, closing prayer in sacrament meeting


Today was a rough day. During the morning, we had ups and downs that didn't exactly put Oliver and I in fantastic, spiritual, happy moods. When we arrived at church, we sat in the last of three rows of chairs that had been set up in the overflow/cultural hall area. Evan didn't know what to do with himself. He wouldn't sit still, he wouldn't be quiet. I tried to hold him during a baby blessing but he kept fighting me. He headbutted Oliver when he got off my lap. Its difficult to calm Evan when he doesn't want it. I'm sure its the same with any other child. During sacrament, he kicked the tray for the water...twice. He kept hitting me, smacked my face once, kept banging things which unfortunately echoes loudly in the cultural hall. I tried to learn from that hour, but it was hard. Oliver was, as always, a blessing.

So at the end of sacrament meeting, when I heard the above words, I started thinking.


Why?!
Why do I do this?
It would be so much easier to not bring Evan to church. It would be easy to stay home and let him destroy our house instead of the Spirit of the meeting. Why do I put all four of us through days like this?!


Through the rest of the meetings I thought on all of this. The Sunday School lesson was called "God is no Respecter of Persons" and someone reiterated the point that God loves us as individuals and he loves ALL of us as individuals. Nursery music time was low key, but those little ones were able to keep a smile on my face instead of the tears I'd had for most of the hour and a half prior. The Relief Society lesson was on Blessings. There wasn't much a lesson that is normal, but the teacher shared some personal thoughts, shared D&C 41:1 and then said, "Those around us, our family, our children, need to know we delight in our blessings and what those blessings are." She then asked us to go around the whole room and everyone share one of their blessings.
It was good to just listen and think about the blessings of others as well as my own. At the end there was a small amount of time to share our own testimonies with each other. And I shared the beginning of this post. And I ended it the way I'm going to end this post.


Why do I do it?
Because over 30 years ago my parents made a choice. They were baptized members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A few years after I was born, they made another choice. They were sealed to each other and their then 5 children were sealed to them.
Because of their choices, I grew up going to Primary, and attending Young Women meetings and activities. My youth was centered around a lot of things. Primarily my family, school, and church. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I gained a testimony about attending church and Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ.
Why do I do it?
Because I know that Joseph Smith as a 14 year old boy was given a beautiful blessing to see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and was given the opportunity and responsibility to help restore the gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth. Because I know that Jesus Christ died for me, for my children, for my husband and for all of you that we have a glimmer of a chance to return to Heavenly Father one day. Because I know of a plan. A plan that gives me answers. A plan that gives me hope that the little struggles everyday can be overcome and don't have to define my life. A plan that says that I need to live the commandments, to live the gospel, to live the words the prophets tell us and then, after all of this worldly stuff, I'll be able to return to him.
Why do I do it?
Because I need to be renewed. I need to renew my baptismal covenants. I need to renew my testimony. I need my boys to have chances to learn things that I can't teach them. I need my family to return to Heavenly Father together. That's why.


And after all this rambling and sharing of my thoughts. I know that through all the challenges of life and the blessings that we are given, our relationships, the things we learn, can stay with us forever and that I can be more than I am through allowing Heavenly Father to teach me.


I should be grateful for these teaching moments. While I'm grateful for the chance to have shared my testimony with my ward members and with you today, it will still take me a day or two to be grateful for the fact that I had a breakdown at church and couldn't handle my son for an hour.